Thursday, December 31, 2009

Under a Blue Moon

My daughter will be just over twenty the next time a Blue Moon falls on New Years Eve. That is hard to imagine as I look at my two year old sitting on the floor surrounded by a jumble of toys. It seems such a long way off, but a decade is ending and the last ten years seemed to have flown by.

Aa I write this, a commercial for the Winter Olympics startles me, has it really been four years? I vaguely remember watching the ice skating while sitting on the futon in my old apartment. Lots of falls, if I recall correctly. How different my life was four years ago. I would need to do some excavating to unearth the details but most importantly, I was not yet a mom.

When I think of not being a mom, it seems a lifetime ago. When I think of being pregnant that seems like only yesterday. As I look at my two year old, time seems to have stretched and speed up at the same time. Time is such a strange thing. To me it seems slippery, inconsistent. and mysterious. Is time a thing or just a concept? Is it real or imagined?

Well, it is real in our world view. The 2010 calendars are already printed and waiting to be filled in. What will our new year bring? I hope good things for my daughter, my family, my friends and a little selfishly for myself. I hope it will also be a good year for those outside my small circle. As one of my friends insisted on Facebook today "Let's make it a good New Year!" I liked that. We may have no control over time, but we can make the most of it and make it good. I'm ready to make a wonderful new year.


ep said...

It's amazing how fast it all flies, doesn't it? I am more worried about stuff that I never thought about before (germs, walking safely from the store to the car in a busy parking lot [making sure she is looking where she's going], etc.) But what is wonderful too is that I also achieved something that I was hoping for, for me: being less selfish, Less inward-searching. Less about me. My life isn't just about her, and I spend plenty of time on myself - certainly my blog is evidence of that. But somehow having a child has put "me" in perspective. It's hard for me to whine about anything when I look at her and get my priorities straightened out instantly. Does that make sense?

jane said...

That makes so much sense. I am still working out the balance of being me and being a mom but I am definitely a happier me being a mom.

Sometimes I miss the freedom to go out like I used to in the city late at night but I also remember how empty that felt sometimes too. There is something so much more fulfilling about loving someone unconditionally and wanting the best for them and nurturing them than looking for some unknown something. I feel so much more purposeful now.

I'll figure out the balance thing as we go along.